Tuesday, January 25, 2011

That's all I have to say about that.

That was me in my senior year of high school.

I like to think that I was a nice girl. Actually, I'm pretty darn sure I was a nice girl. I am now in the 35+ category (YIKES!!!) and believe that I am STILL a nice girl.

I realized way back then that we are not all dealt the same hands. Some more fortunate than others. Some prettier than others. Some smarter than others. I'm thinking that I was usually in the "others" category, but very blessed, nonetheless. At the guidance of my parents, I learned that just because you have been dealt a better hand than others does not give you the right to feel superior, let alone BULLY, CRITICISE, BELITTLE, or EMBARRASS those who were not.

Now, I'm sure I had my fair share of high school drama, BUT I can safely say that I was NEVER a "mean girl". Nor, did I fall victim to one of them. But I knew who the "mean girls" were. I remember them quite well. I even remember the "mean girls" older and younger. They are people you never forget. They are the people you can't wait to see what they've become at your high school reunions. And even though you know it's wrong...you secretly, for a very brief and un-Christian-like moment want to see them bite it in front of everyone. Uh huh...you know who I'm talking about. BUT, instead we pray for their hearts to become humbled.

I have recently re-encountered one of those "mean girls". She was a mean girl to someone I know and love very much. She and some of her mean friends (boys and girls) shaped and hurt this person more than you can imagine. As the years have passed, I started seeing more and more of this mean girl. It has become very apparent that some people NEVER change. They might even get worse. 

The jabs that this girl has thrown at me have left me quite taken aback. They were cheap jabs, too, in front of other people. Most of them were regarding things that I own that may be a little worn, tattered, or in her opinion, out-of-style and sometimes my clothing. The more I think about them the more it hurts and the more I wish I had fired back, leaving her equally wounded and embarrassed. But I chose one more time not to stoop and to bite my tongue...and boy! is that hard!!!!

I shared this with Shan. He gave me his usual level-headed response. "Claudia, don't worry about her. It will come back to her." Frustrated, I disagreed and told him it wouldn't because she's THAT girl, the one who gets away with treating people like crap to make herself feel better. But, I know it will come back to her. We talked about how insecure and sad she must be. I wouldn't sleep well knowing I had treated someone that way. 

We have too many friends and activities in common to avoid each other. SOO...From now on, I will find my strength and defense in THE WORD and knowing that the things she is judging or criticising about me are all surface things (my clothing---I'm no fashionista but I do ok, my house---which is very nice and serves the purpose, my car---which is a Honda Odyssey and I'm not sure what's wrong with that at all, etc.). However, one thing she will never be able to criticise (and happens to be the most important thing) is my character and personality. I take comfort in that and knowing that it's truly about her, not me.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head."
-Romans 12:19-20

I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.
-Psalm 18:3

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
-Romans 12:14


Heidi said...

Awesome post! I live by the town's meaniest girl!

Allison said...

You are awesome. seriously. Mac has a bully in his class that is very mean to him. We have had the opportunity to talk about how bad this boy must feel on the inside of his heart. How we all feel that bad sometimes, but the Truth is that God makes it better when we believe who He says we are.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Mac told me this morning he told that boy he was tired of him being mean to him. The boy said ok. Then give me something good from your lunch box. I think it might be time to call the teacher or the mother;)


Allison Anders said...

Great post, Claudia! I am dealing with the same situation and I just keep thinking to myself..kill her with kindness and it WILL come back around to her...I know this isn't the nicest thing to say, but when it does come back to her..I hope I have a front row seat:)

meg ellis said...

I can't imagine anyone being mean to you, Claudia. You are one of the sweetest, kind-hearted, most genuine people I know. For someone to just out-right degrade and belittle others is a sure representation of either low self esteem or pure evil. I commend you on not stooping to her level and for being the more mature one. I never have understood people like this and I don't think I ever will. We too have been hit with the bully situation @ school and it angers me to no end, but we continue to remind the kids that some people are just mean and unhappy and they seek out others to take their frustrations out on. In talking about this with them, we hope that they can understand that mean words and actions can have horrible reprecussions on the victims. Seth told me the other day that he stood up for a girl that was being picked on @ school and that made me very proud of him. So...keep your head up, know that you are loved and adored, that you are a great mother and most of all - that you don't feed your baby chili!!

Margie said...

I could write a book on bullying and mean girls and the scars they leave. I struggle all the time with extending forgiveness to the ones who hurt me. Really hurt me. I think it will come in God's time. But it is SO HARD.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this, Claudia. Just know that I am with you! Let me know if we need to me to pull a Laura Ingalls and go push Nelly Olsen into the creek out yonder! :)

Leah Johnsey said...

I am so sorry you are dealing with this (person). She must be horribly insecure with herself and her life that she feels the need to make others feel bad. Just hold your head high and know that you are a wonderful person who has friends who love you and could care less about the material things.

bevy said...

Oh that is so horrible... You are just THE cutest girl, si I can. Or imagine why anyone would be ugly to you!

And Of course I'm the only tacky girl here who wants to know who this mean girl is! (Bad me. I know.)

Anonymous said...

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven..." ~Matthew 5:11-12

You can have joy in knowing that you are BLESSED because of this girl. I love that you are finding freedom in letting the Lord take care of both of you!
xoxo MB